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Talk:Crossing Paths
Just want to point out that toward the end of what you have there is a change from past-tense to present-tense. Totalimmortal 02:57, April 13, 2011 (UTC) Don't want to mess with your story, but here's how it should be to maintain the tense: "The next day life was normal aboard the ships. Ezekiel's crew hadn't found anyone worth robbing and were taking it easy. Many were dividing the recently obtained loot while their captain was in his room. He had called Alereina, the Eldar Ranger, to see him about something." Overall, though, the story seems, in a word, epic. Can't wait til its finished. Totalimmortal 03:01, April 13, 2011 (UTC) Not bad. i like how Syrath randomly killed everybody. It is exactly the kind of capricousness that you would expect from a Greater Daemon, especially a former Lord of Change. Supahbadmarine 20:25, May 1, 2011 (UTC) Good. Now as long as Primarch11 likes it as well I'll hopefully no have to change much. A Shadow Before the Dawn My Talk 20:32, May 1, 2011 (UTC) You can still add some more to your bit if you want Supah, or are you waiting for the next chapter to advance Zeke's plot? I am still finalising my ideas for the Syrath/Bevid part of the story. A Shadow Before the Dawn My Talk 01:13, June 19, 2011 (UTC) Don't worry about that. There is still more to tell on Ezekiel portion of the Chapter. I will get around to it soon. Supahbadmarine 01:35, June 19, 2011 (UTC) Does anybody mind if I do a little modification. I have a feeling that the story is becoming a little disjointed. Supahbadmarine 02:14, July 1, 2011 (UTC) What did you have in mind? A Shadow Before the Dawn My Talk 02:29, July 1, 2011 (UTC) Well, as you know Alica and Lorenzo are supposed to fight on that planet that is attacked by the Syrath's Warriors. I figured that right after that talk they could recieve a distress call from the planet. Alica would naturally have to answer despite the fact that she could no longer keep an eye on Grim. Mind you, Grim being the do-gooder that he is would offer to come along. Except that he gets a message from one of his contacts that his two favorite adversaries had a meeting recently. Naturally he would have to go aout of his way to investigate this. We would then move onto the battle where Lorenzo abnd Zeke meet. What do you think. Supahbadmarine 02:33, July 1, 2011 (UTC) Great minds obviously think alike, as that is what I was trying to gear up the end of Syrath's story towards. His next appearance would be leading the attack on a world, where his agents had a lead on the last known location of the Coin of Aruto (before it was stolen by the pirate who then subsequently lost it to Zeke). Neat idea to have Alica/Lorenzo answer the distress call and have Grim tag along in order to have them all in the same place. Now you just need to work out how Zeke ends up at that World, so that he can fulfil his destiny in saving Lorenzo Drasus and/or Alica Trallan (haven't decided whether or not she should be killed during Crossing Paths yet). A Shadow Before the Dawn My Talk 02:40, July 1, 2011 (UTC) He is already on the world. Did you think that little part during Chapter two was for show? Supahbadmarine 02:43, July 1, 2011 (UTC) Damn, I didn't realise your subtlety in scene setting. Well played sir. I better get to work on writing that invasion then. It'll be fun to see Zeke's perspective on the matter. :) A Shadow Before the Dawn My Talk 02:45, July 1, 2011 (UTC) Also, correct me if i am wrong but this is not the original plan. I thought that the ones attacking the world were simply going to be one of the Legions. If I remember correctly the SW commander was going to catch sight of the Coin during the battle and then report to Syrath after he was forced to flee, Also I meant the report for Grim to get him out of the equation for the battle. I think it's a little too soon for every one to butt heads all at once. Supahbadmarine 02:46, July 1, 2011 (UTC) I think we someone should think of a way how these characters all meet up. Otherwise this could go on forever Primarch11 02:46, July 1, 2011 (UTC) Yes, but plans change and this fits the story much better. I also wished to include Coraks as I have been recently been working on improving his background. Now to answer your questions and reassure your observations. *Locating the Coin of Aruto for Bevid was the only realistic way I could see Syrath actually working for the Chaos Lord. Otherwise Syrath's forces would have just kept the artefact for themselves, as they are greedy (particularly Commandants, as they are only interested in personal gain, save for Coraks and Arrius). *Syrath won't reach Ezekiel as quickly as he would have liked due to the Hive City being better fortified than he thought, given that the invasion was an ad hoc one based entirely on Syrath's divinations. In fact he'll end up meeting Lorenzo/Alica first. *This leaves you completely free to write what Zeke is up to during this time:helping the defenders, trying to escape etc. *Don't worry Primarch, they shall all end up meeting sooner rather than later. *And a quick question: How long do we want to make this thing? Well, what do you think of the last addition? A Shadow Before the Dawn My Talk 03:47, July 1, 2011 (UTC) I am not entirely sure. We have to make it long enough that Zeke, Grim and Lorenzo can build up a repertoire with one another. After all it's not like they are going to trust Zeke right off the bat. Heck, I doubt that they would think much of him initially. He has a long rap sheet, but he is not the kind of nasty criminal that Inquisitors are usually interested in. Alos, Ezekiel will most definately run. Zeke is that rare individual that can be called a Courageous Coward. Sure, he has a taste for danger, but he also has a good sense for fights that he can't win. With so many heavy hitters in one place he'll be out of there before you can say Stop Heretic! Supahbadmarine 03:56, July 1, 2011 (UTC) Well then it is important that he meets Lorenzo and Alicia early on. In fact I have a cunning plan. It is while Zeke is attempting to escape he accidently finds himself (and his posse) in a position where Syrath is towering above them (and the cornered Inquisitor and Acolyte), standing in the way of a relatively undamaged transport. Of course, the Courageous Coward (not fully assessing the situation and trying to be a complete cad), then lunges at the Daemon with his power sabre, wounding the beast. This surprises Syrath enough that it gives all of the "good guys" a chance to escape. Thoughts? A Shadow Before the Dawn My Talk 04:03, July 1, 2011 (UTC) I supposer it could work. I will have to be creative with Zeke's side of the story. Maybe Lorenzo and Zeke get to know each other while running from Syrath. Supahbadmarine 04:39, July 1, 2011 (UTC) Running from Syrath seems like a good idea. Also, Zeke lunging at Syrath gives him the perfect opportunity to say the lines "Trust me, I know what I'm doing..." when he clearly doesn't. A Shadow Before the Dawn My Talk 04:44, July 1, 2011 (UTC) Alright, mind if I take the lead for a little while? Supahbadmarine 04:46, July 1, 2011 (UTC) hey how about while Zeke is getting out of the city he is captured by some of Grim's Eldar friends who were searching for the stone for him. they bring him to Grim who tries to work a deal with Zeke, until they are attack by Zeke's forces and then Syrath's forces. Also secretly they are being followed by the Shadow One. Primarch11 04:47, July 1, 2011 (UTC) Sounds more or less doable. Still lets worry about that bridge when we come to it. Supahbadmarine 04:50, July 1, 2011 (UTC) Seems a bit convoluted, but it does provide a convenient escape method for Zeke and Drasus. And I'd be more than welcome for you to take the lead Supah. A Shadow Before the Dawn My Talk 05:44, July 1, 2011 (UTC) I will. I just need somebody to get the Inquisitors on their way. Supahbadmarine 06:21, July 1, 2011 (UTC) I guess that is our cue Primarch. I shall begin it by having a few lines dedicated to the distress calls. Can you write the details involving Grim and his entourage as I'm not quite sure of his thought pattern (other than he would offer his services to help). A Shadow Before the Dawn My Talk 07:09, July 1, 2011 (UTC) Right, the Inquisitors are (I'm assuming) on their way, so should turn up in chapter 4. So... I guess it's all yours. Have fun writing Supah. Oh, and Primarch, feel free to add more to the Inquisitorial Trio section. A Shadow Before the Dawn My Talk 08:21, July 1, 2011 (UTC) Alright. I will get to work. Primarch you can add the part about Grim during the distress call when you get the chance. Supahbadmarine 17:31, July 1, 2011 (UTC) I am still not finished with this section. Wait for just a bit more. Supahbadmarine 18:29, July 1, 2011 (UTC) I will let you guys know when i am done. Supahbadmarine 19:17, July 1, 2011 (UTC) Good, I already have a plan forming. Alicia and her guard end up deploying near to the Chaos Forces, with the hope of eliminating the leaders. Hence, why they end up in the same vicinity as Zeke. I'll have Syrath and his minions change their assault, in order to follow the mobile Coin. I'll be interested to see how this part of the story finishes. A Shadow Before the Dawn My Talk 19:35, July 1, 2011 (UTC) Actually I had an idea of this as well. I was going to have it so that Syrath decided to go after Alica when she landed, because she is part of the Brotherhood that has been a thorn in his side for many years. Ezekiel was going to head that way because high ranking commanders like Inquisitors usually come into battle in an Aquila lander, and he was hoping tohijack it. What do you think? Supahbadmarine 19:48, July 1, 2011 (UTC) Hi, you guys have a great story here and I would like to ask if I could help with Coraks and the 1st War-Legion in any way? You've portrayed Syrath well and have the right image of Coraks but I would love to help with the design of the First War-Legion? Imposter101 19:54, July 1, 2011 (UTC) yeah ill what I can do Cal Primarch11 20:06, July 1, 2011 (UTC) Yo, guys. *@Supah: Great idea, I'd never thought that Alicia should be a member of the Brotherhood of the Watchful Eye as well. Fantastic way of linking everything. *@Imposter101: Coraks was filling more of a cameo role than anything else. I included him because we had put a lot of work into renovating his character. Originally, neither Coraks or the First War Legion were going to be involved. It was just going to be Arrius and a lesser known War Legion, possibly the Fourth War Legion. I suppose you could post some more details about the First War Legion here so that I can include them in my parts of the story (the Syrath/Bevid parts are written by me). *@Primarch: great to know that. A Shadow Before the Dawn My Talk 20:19, July 1, 2011 (UTC) Thank you for saying so. Supahbadmarine 20:25, July 1, 2011 (UTC) Cool, well the 1st War-Legion are generally quite and silent unless threatened or questioned by Syrath or Commanders. The 4th are made up of Alpha Legion marines and Cultists who joined the Warriors of Syrath and use infiltration tactics like their ancestors and are known to have colors similar to the Alpha Legion as well. Imposter101 20:28, July 1, 2011 (UTC) Good, but I think you misunderstood me. I didn't require anything about the 4th as they are not involved. It is only the 1st, 2nd and 3rd War Legions which are attacking. A Shadow Before the Dawn My Talk 20:41, July 1, 2011 (UTC) Interesting Primarch, but another story line may confuse things a little. I think, that although Grim suspects Syrath to be searching for one of the stones, he should have no idea of Bevid's involvement at the moment. A Shadow Before the Dawn My Talk 21:04, July 1, 2011 (UTC) Hey I was thinking maybe Bevid called for aid from one of his warband allies, the Omega Legion. Primarch11 21:05, July 1, 2011 (UTC) Sorry. The 2nd make heavy use flamers and Sorcery while the 3rd make heavy use of armored units and mechanized infantry. Imposter101 21:07, July 1, 2011 (UTC)